if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Randomize
