whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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