it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
