fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
