my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
