And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
