Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
