All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
