after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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