I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Randomize
