how can u be prego again
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
