Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
