i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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