Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
