We got so high we made milksteak
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
