Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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