Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
