We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
