Is it because I queefed?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
