don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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