YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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