I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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