i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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