And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
