....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize