mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
