i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
