i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
