pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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