Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
