So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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