But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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