Nicole vs. Life
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my shit smells like andre
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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