I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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