Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
