So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
