So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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