If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I supernannyed him into submission
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
