i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
