I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
