Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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