you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just want nice things and good sex
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize