I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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