i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
