What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
