At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
