And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
