No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
