so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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