What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
