All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
