My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
