hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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