This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
