just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
