you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We are all done wearing pants today
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
