Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
