Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
