My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
