he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize