well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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