3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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