Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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