yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
