he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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