Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
