One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
