He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
