so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
