weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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