When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
